I'm not lucky but I'm blessed!

I feel extremely blessed this week. Even though i feel so weak this week, but this blessing really keep me strong. First I got a letter from Baldwin Wallace University. I didnt think i would get accepted there but I was shock when i see the letter in it. Then I read the next paper, and it shocked me completely in a good way. I have never thought, not even a bit that they give me a scholarship, and they give me $15000 scholarship. I was really happy. I feel like this scholarship really pushing me to finish school strong, and never give up. I am very thankful for this blessing. Sometimes I feel like i dont deserve any of this.

Then, earlier today during 6th period I was checking my email, and when I see one email from Northern Arizona University, when i open it I see the congratulation word on it. It really made my day, why? Because i actually got accepted into another school. It was really a blessing.

It doesnt stop just right there, a couple days a go i received a letter from my school, and it says that I invited to senior awards night. The first thing that came up to my mind was "Award? For what?" So i decided to go, and i was clueless on what award i was receiving. When i got to school They gave me like a paper on who get what award, and I saw my name on the list "MHS guidance counselor scholarship" I was like "WHAT??" And then the event start and after a couple awards goes by, my counselor got into the podium and called me to get up to the stage to receive the award, and she was saying all the nice thing about me. She said "Larasati came to us from Indonesia, and she is a hard working student, and she never give up on everything she does" I was overwhelming and happy. Oh anyway I got $300 scholarship. I've been struggling to come up with the money for my college deposit, and most of them are either $200 or $300 and I was like "if there is any way I can come up with the money and I don't have to make my dad pay for it that would be great" and I've been praying a lot about it, and God seriously work in a mysterious and amazing way, and by this scholarship now i don't have to worry about the money for the deposit money.

A couple days a go I was at facebook looking through an old picture, and then I saw this quote on my timeline, it says "when we pray, God hears more than we say, answers more than we ask and give more than what we can imagine... In His on time and in His own way" and now I can say that it is true, with all the blessing he has given to me this week it proves that all the words on that quote is true.

My birthday week has been full of blessing, and I believe He has more for me in the future. God is good, even too good sometimes <3 font="" nbsp="">

Maybe that night I should've told you how i feel about you.

Maybe i should've said i love you too when you told me through the phone.

But whats the point of it?

You choose to date another girl.

Maybe distance scares you or maybe you didn't mean it when you told me you love me.

One thing that I dont understand, is it that to forget me?

Does it really takes you 2 days to forget me and move on?

I just want to know did we really have something real between us, or was it just love at the moment and then fade away?

After 3 years, maybe its too late to fix anything.

Maybe none of us wants to fix this.

I tried to say Hi, but no respond.

I think its clear that you don't want to have anything to do with me.

Its cool, all good.

I just need some closure, an honest answer, and i can get over it.

Or maybe after all I dont need a closure, I just have to suck it up and get over it.

One thing i want to say is I miss "Us", and I miss you.

Pandora + tumblr + insomnia = stuck in the deepest hole of loneliness.

Have you ever feel so lonely that all you can do is stare at the ceiling hoping that the feeling fade away?

Just letting you know, if you are in the deepest hole of depression or loneliness just dont listen to pandora especially bruno mars' station. It just gonna suck you in even deeper that you cant go out of the hole. Trust me.

Homesick and feeling lonely is the worst combination of all time. I dont miss jakarta, i just miss the people who live there, my best friends. I know i would never feel this lonely if im surrounded by them :( *sigh*

When people say distance does not matter, they are liar. Line, whatsapp, twitter, path or even skype cant change the fact that i'm thousand miles away from them and not to mention time differences between California and Jakarta.

Distance can suck a d*ck.

Fuhhh I miss my friends bruh *tears*

G night.

So, since i don't have school tomorrow I decided to stay up late and talk to some of my old pal back in Indo. I miss them. Fuuhhh I'm homesick *sad face*
Actually I can't sleep not just because I'm homesick more like Im homesick and I have a lot of things in my mind. I prefer talk to my blog rather than people about my problem, simply because no one really read my blog and my blog is actually rely helpful to make me feel better. A night like this make me wanna swallow some clorox. lol just kidding. So, as you know It's almost my birthday *YEAAAY* and its almost time for me to get out of high school too *YEAY AGAIN*. My birthday is literally in 3 days, and my graduation is in 29 days. Woooh I'm too excited! hookah bar it is on the 26th! lol. talking about graduation, I'm happy finally I can get out of high school but the only part that I don't like is the fact that I have to decide where I'm gonna go for college. The deadline is on may 1st and I'm still clueless where I'm gonna go. HEEEELP. First I knew I kinda wanna go to Univ of Hartford but then they don't give me any financial aid or any kind of loan, this is sad. Oh well… -_- actually, I'm still waiting for decision from other school. I kinda want to go to Hofstra Univ or Philadelphia Univ but I'm not even sure I'm gonna get accepted there *finger crossed* This is so frustrating.

This is kinda random but have you ever miss someone so bad that you just want to take a shot as much as you can until you can't even feel anything? yeah that's what I'm feeling right now. it sucks. Yea I know I can just start a conversation with this person but I don't want to. Why? because I haven't talk to this person in years, and the fact that this person never try to hmu then why should I? ya feel me? Fuhhh I hate my life right now.

can someone like tell this person that I miss him? 

I don't know why I stay tuned on Bruno Mars' station at pandora, this station makes me 10,000x even sadder than before. I hate you pandora. Its just like a matter of second I'm gonna start crying. I better go to sleep now.

G night yall :)

No title.

You held my hand really tight.

was it because you want to show everyone that you can or because you really have a real feeling for me?

You saved me a seat next to you every time we go out to eat with our friends

was it because you want to be close to me?

You kissed me in front of everyone.

was it because you love me or was it just to show everyone that you can?

You hug me really tight, and you told me you love me.

was it real or it was just another lie you told me?

sometimes I ask myself, what would happen if I say yes when you asked me out the first time?

What could have gone differently or is it just gonna last a few weeks like all your relationship with other women?

You treated me like I was the one, like I'm the only girl but you always end up with other girls.

In the end you always come back to me when it doesn't work out with them.

honestly, out of all guy that I ever close with, you are the only one who have the nerve in front of everyone to do such a thing. 

You were never afraid to say you love me, or kiss me in front of everyone.

You treated me the way I always wanted to be treated by a guy. 

but again, was it real?

When you told me you love me through the phone, I was just froze and I couldn't say anything.

I was thinking about it.

At one point I want to give it a try.

I was about to tell you how I feel the next day, but you ruined it.

You know what you did.

My heart skipped a beat. I can't believe you did that. 

Was it that easy for you to move on to the next girl or was it a payback for what I said to "that guy"?

Maybe we both messed it up pretty bad that day.

Its like every time I'm sure about how I feel about you, you always ruin it.

Why do you have to go after another girl when I'm sure about my feelings?

Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

I'm pretty sure all the things you told me was a lie.

why? because you never actually make an effort to talk to me again.

Is it because distance, or is it because you've never actually had a real feeling for me?

Whatever it is, I don't care.

I miss you, I do.

but you're just a memory, a good one but also the bad one.