A couple days a go i reached the climax where I cant help it but all i can do was crying all night, literally until my eyes looks like a giant puff in the morning. I kinda feel like there is no hope, and all i can see is a dead end. I feel so stupid for every sec when I questioned where is Jesus at a time like this. At that moment i questioned everything, and I feel so stupid that i felt that way. That night was the worst day of my life. All my mom said to me was "pray & dont forget to read the bible. He'll answer your prayer" at that time I cant even say any prayer, all I did was staring at the ceiling for hours and crying. Aroubd 3 in the morning I decided to pray, and i simply said "all i have right now is my faith, i believe you will never leave me alone" and I slept. Cant really say whats my problem is but yeah... I didnt go to school simply because i havent slept all night and I look like i just punch in the eyes. When I woke up the next day I dont feel any difference, not yet. Through out the day I tried to come up with solution, and at one point I kinda have a solution for my problem. It might works, MIGHT works. I honestly cant stop thinking about it, even at school. So, just a couple min a go when I was about to sleep I remember I havent prayed yet, so I did. I said the same things "you brought me this far, I know you will give me the best solution, and all I have is my faith. Maybe I have too much faith, but the only thing that keep me going is my faith" and then I remember how my mom always tell me to read the bible every night, even just one verse every night. So after I pray, i open my bible in my phone. In my bible app they have "verse of the day" and then it shock me how the verse of the day is some sign that I need. The verse says "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened" (Matthew 7:7, 8)

After I read the verses i honestly feel stronger than before. I know he listens to my prayer, he always does. He might not answer it right away but he will answer it in a right time. In his time. I feel much better right now, I feel so calm. I know he will never leave me in the middle of the journey, he brought me this far and I know this just a small bump in my road to success, he just wants to see how faithful I am to him and he wants to see how far i will stay through a hard times like this one. He is The only God, the only way. I believe he already have something amazing for me! He will never let me down, he always gives the best to his children.

Good night (:

I want to jump from the bridge, take any drugs until I'm O.D, or take a shot until I passed out or anything that can make me forget about today.

I dont wanna wake up tomorrow.

I don't know how am I going to wake up tomorrow.

At a time like this, I wish I'm at the hospital and dying.

Maybe that way I don't feel what I feel right now.

I have never ever in my life feeling so disappointed like now.

I am so speechless right now.

So many things going trough my mind.

Why? I just want to know why this is happening to me right now.

I feel broken hearted.

I am hurt.

Its not fair if I feel disappointed in God, but I feel like where is he when I need him? I thought my prayer was answered, but turn out it just causing another problem.

Maybe he is testing my faith.

Maybe…

Maybe He just want to see how far would I stick with him through this.

Maybe…

My chest hurt, I can't breathe.

I don't know what to say, I honestly don't.

What should I do? I want to give up so bad.

there are no words can describe how broken hearted I am right now.

The pain is too painful to handle.

Im just a human, I'm not strong like a steel.

I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't know what I should do. I don't know about everything.

I don't even know what do I believe in anymore.

I just need an answer, just an answer.